When should I tell a date I have depression?

Etta, Depression Marathon

When should I tell a date I have depression?

Dating – when to drop the “D-bomb.”

Being a recovering alcoholic and person with depression, I don’t find the bar-scene too inviting. So, I am meeting some new people online, and expect to be dating one of them, officially, very soon.

Here’s the problem, the question, the conundrum…When do I drop the “D-bomb” on the guy? When should I tell a date I have depression? He thinks I’m swell; smart, funny, charming, sexy, blah, blah, blah… But just how sweet, attractive, and sexy will I be when I add depression to my list of attributes? How about chronic, debilitating, treatment-resistant, don’t-have-enough-energy-to-brush-my-teeth depression? Charming? Sexy? Sweet? I don’t think so!

This is such an anxiety-producing dilemma for me. I feel like these guys are getting to know me minus “the catch.” I don’t feel like I am being honest nor totally dishonest. In fact, this whole process is painfully bittersweet.

I see these guys getting to know the person I used to be. I can still be that person, but only occasionally and for short periods. It’s also a whole lot easier via e-mail than in person to play the role. In reality, I no longer am that person, and it is just an old, familiar role.

It takes a lot of energy to play the role. Weird, huh? It takes energy for me to play the role of ME–the me I used to be. Me minus depression. If I act the part for too long, it absolutely wipes me out. That is the point I’m getting to with this guy. I like him. He likes me.

Will he also like me — the me with depression? It’s ridiculous, really! Obviously, if he can’t handle it, he’s not a person I want to be associated with. But if not him, who? Major depression is not a selling point!

It’s one more thing that is wrong with me.

And when I start thinking like that, the demon depression is winning, and I still don’t know when I should tell a date I have depression?