PCOS is ruining my life: navigating the challenges and finding hope

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PCOS is ruining my life: an illustration of polycystic ovary syndrome in a female reproductive system.

PCOS is ruining my life

The physical and emotional toll of living with PCOS

PCOS is ruining my life. At the lowest moments, each day with PCOS feels like an uphill battle, from painful, irregular periods to the emotional roller coaster accompanying this condition. But those moments are become less and less present in my life. In this personal essay, I'll share my journey with PCOS, the pre-diagnosis struggles, the diagnosis, the aftermath, the impact on my mental health, and how I've found hope amid this challenging journey.

PCOS pre-diagnosis struggles

Before receiving a formal diagnosis, I experienced the relentless torment of painful, irregular periods. Every month, I would anticipate the arrival of my period with dread, never knowing when it would show up or how severe the pain would be. It was like living on a perpetual roller coaster of uncertainty and discomfort.

The most obvious symptoms first appeared during my last year of high school, throwing my life into chaos. I remember vividly the frustration and anger I felt towards my body as it seemed to rebel against me. The irregularity of my periods became a source of constant worry and embarrassment. Sometimes my period arrived unexpectedly, catching me off guard and leaving me feeling self-conscious and ill-prepared. On the other hand, there were long stretches of time when my period simply vanished, leaving me in perpetual anxiety, wondering if it would ever return.

However, it wasn't just the irregularity that plagued me; it was the excruciating pain that accompanied my periods. The cramps were so intense that they would bring me to my knees, rendering me immobile and incapable of doing my daily activities. It felt as though I was being held hostage by my own body, trapped in a cycle of physical agony and emotional distress.

Seeking answers and relief, I visited my primary care physician. He was an older male doctor that everyone in the family went to. I hoped that by sharing my symptoms, I would receive guidance and support. Unfortunately, my hopes were shattered when my doctor dismissed my concerns as just being a teenager, and that the best thing I could do reduce my period pain would be to lose weight.

This dismissal from my primary care physician deepened my confusion and frustration. In my mind, it was medical gaslighting. I remember doubting myself and questioning if this was just what periods should be like. Maybe he was right; my weight was the problem. Perhaps I was overreacting, and my experiences were a normal part of being a young woman. It was a moment that forced me to confront the harsh reality of the healthcare system's tendency to overlook and trivialize women's health concerns.

The pre-diagnosis struggles with PCOS were undeniably challenging. They tested my resilience and forced me to confront the complexities of my own body. It was a time filled with uncertainty, frustration, and a constant battle for recognition when I was transitioning from high school to college. However, looking back, I can now see that those struggles also catalyzed growth and self-advocacy.

PCOS diagnosis at college

It was during my first year at college that I reached a breaking point. Panic set in. I was experiencing the heaviest, fastest-flowing period, complete with large blood clots. The sheer intensity of it all distressed me, and I knew I had to seek immediate medical attention. With a mix of fear and urgency, I made my way to the student health services on campus.

After explaining my symptoms to the healthcare provider at student health services, I was relieved to have someone listen and take my concerns seriously. The physician conducted an initial consultation and recognized the severity of my symptoms. Realizing the need for specialized care, I was referred to the PCOS Center at Beth Israel Deaconess Medical Center, renowned for its expertise in reproductive health.

The journey to my PCOS diagnosis was filled with tests and examinations. I underwent blood tests to measure hormone levels, including follicle-stimulating hormone (FSH), luteinizing hormone (LH), and testosterone. Additionally, an ultrasound was performed to examine my ovaries for the presence of cysts and assess their size. These diagnostic procedures aimed to uncover the underlying hormonal imbalances and physical markers characteristic of PCOS.

Waiting for the results of these tests was an anxiety-ridden period. Each passing day felt like an eternity as I grappled with uncertainty and anticipation. Finally, the day of my follow-up appointment arrived. Sitting in the doctor's office, I could feel the weight of the diagnosis settling heavily on my shoulders.

When the physician confirmed my PCOS diagnosis, it was a whirlwind of emotions. Knowing I wasn't facing a more serious underlying condition, I was relieved. However, that relief quickly transformed into fear and uncertainty. I was confronted with the reality of a chronic condition that would require long-term management and potentially impact various aspects of my life. At this moment, the thought "PCOS is ruining my life" echoed in my mind.

Coming to terms with my PCOS diagnosis was a process that involved navigating a myriad of emotions. There were moments of frustration and anger, wondering why this happened to me. I worried about the potential implications for my fertility, physical well-being, and self-image. It felt overwhelming to comprehend the full scope of the challenges ahead.

Nevertheless, amidst the initial shock, I found solace in knowing I finally had answers. My diagnosis provided a framework for understanding the struggles I had endured for years. With this knowledge, I could now take proactive steps towards managing my condition, seeking the appropriate treatments, and making necessary lifestyle changes.

The road ahead wouldn't be easy, but I refused to let PCOS define me or dictate the course of my life. I embraced a newfound determination to educate myself, connect with support networks, and advocate for my well-being. While the weight of the diagnosis remained, I also discovered a reservoir of strength within myself. This resilience would guide me through the challenges that lay ahead.

In retrospect, my PCOS diagnosis at college was a pivotal moment in my journey. It marked the beginning of a proactive approach to my health, leading me toward self-discovery and empowerment. By seeking specialized care and finding the support I needed, I embarked on a new chapter where I would learn to navigate the complexities of PCOS and strive for a fulfilling life despite its challenges.

PCOS and mental health

Living with PCOS takes a toll on mental health. The hormonal imbalances and physical symptoms can trigger mood swings, anxiety, and depression, making it challenging to maintain emotional well-being. As I navigated the complexities of PCOS, I experienced firsthand the impact it had on my mental state. The weight of the diagnosis and the frustration of managing symptoms often left me feeling overwhelmed and isolated.  I kept ruminating to myself that "PCOS is ruining my life."

One particular moment stands out in my memory. I was having dinner with my friends, one of whom I had a serious crush on, at the White Horse Tavern, one of favorite places to unwind. But my PCOS symptoms were wreaking havoc on my mood and energy levels. I felt a deep frustration and sadness, unable to fully engage with my friends, one of whom called me out for being a "Debbie Downer".  I felt that PCOS was ruining my life. During that time, I realized the importance of addressing my mental health and managing PCOS's physical aspects.

Recognizing the need for support, I turned to online communities and support groups where I connected with individuals who shared similar experiences. These spaces provided a safe haven to express my emotions, fears, and frustrations without judgment. Engaging in open and honest conversations about my PCOS journey made me realize that I was not alone in my struggles.

In addition to seeking support from peers, I decided to seek professional help. I contacted a therapist specializing in women's health. Through therapy, I gained a better understanding of the emotional impact of PCOS and learned effective coping strategies. Therapy helped me process my shame and isolation, allowing me to develop a more positive and empowered mindset.

It's important to note that coping with PCOS is a highly individualized process, and what works for one person may not work for another. However, some general steps can be taken when struggling with PCOS:

1. Educate Yourself: Knowledge is power. Take the time to learn about PCOS, its symptoms, and its effects. Understanding the condition empowers you to make informed decisions about your health and treatment options.

2. Adopt a Healthy Lifestyle: A healthy lifestyle can significantly impact PCOS symptoms. Incorporate regular exercise into your routine, focusing on activities that you enjoy. Embrace a balanced diet with plenty of fruits, vegetables, whole grains, and lean proteins. Managing stress levels through meditation, deep breathing, or hobbies can also be beneficial.

3. Seek Support: Building a solid support system is essential. Connect with others who have PCOS through support groups, online forums, or local meetups. Sharing your experiences and listening to others can provide validation and a sense of community. Additionally, consider seeking professional guidance from therapists or counselors specializing in women's health or reproductive issues.

4. Prioritize Self-Care: Make self-care a priority in your life. Set aside time for activities that bring you joy and relaxation. This could include taking warm baths, practicing mindfulness, reading a book, or engaging in creative outlets. Self-care helps to reduce stress and improve overall well-being. Ad for me, at least, self-care includes regular exercise.

5. Be Gentle with Yourself: Remember that managing PCOS is a journey with ups and downs. Be patient and kind to yourself. Celebrate small victories and allow yourself to rest and recover when needed.

6. Regular Medical Check-ups: Stay proactive by scheduling regular check-ups with your healthcare provider to monitor your PCOS and address any concerns.

Through a combination of support, education, and self-care, it is possible to navigate the challenges of PCOS and improve mental well-being. By taking proactive steps, we can reclaim control over our lives and thrive despite PCOS's obstacles. Remember, you are not alone; even though there is no cure there is always hope for a brighter and healthier future.

Finding hope in the midst of PCOS

Though PCOS may feel like an insurmountable obstacle, especially if you don't have access to quality healthcare, through my experience, I've learned that there is hope. I have regained control by embracing self-care, seeking support, and proactively managing my health. I focus on the aspects of my life that bring me joy and fulfillment, allowing PCOS to become just one part of my story rather than defining my entire existence. While the road ahead may still be challenging, I am determined to live a life not overshadowed by PCOS.  Each step on the roas has brought me closer to understanding and managing my condition, allowing me to break free from the grip of "PCOS is ruining my life."

Although I sometimes tell myself that PCOS is ruining my life, I know it doesn't define me. The struggles with painful, irregular periods, the moment of diagnosis, and the impact on my mental health has been, at times, difficult to bear. However, I've discovered that with knowledge, self-care, and a supportive community, it is possible to find hope amidst the challenges of PCOS. By taking proactive steps towards a healthier lifestyle and embracing the love and understanding of those around me, I am reclaiming control and building a future filled with the possibility of happiness and resilience.

"PCOS may cast a dark shadow, but I refuse to let it define my existence. I am the author of my own story, and I won't let the phrase 'PCOS is ruining my life' be the final chapter."

Article by
Saanvi Patel

Saanvi Patel, the author of "PCOS is ruining my life: navigating the challenges and finding hope," is a talented writer and student pursuing a graduate degree in Boston.


"PCOS may cast a dark shadow, but I refuse to let it define my existence. I am the author of my own story, and I won't let the phrase 'PCOS is ruining my life' be the final chapter." | ©Alena / Adobe Stock