What is it like dating somebody with type one diabetes?

1. Loving someone with type 1 diabetes is a full-time job

The most frustrating part of my new normal is when I want to go to sleep or really do anything. But I have to check my sugar first. For example, in some, working out can raise blood sugar levels, whereas others have to chug sugary drinks to avoid going low. Different diabetics experience low or high blood glucose levels differently. One might get angry or anxious when approaching a low, whereas some just go pale and shaky.

It gets worse at the grocery store if you have a hypo (low) standing in line with a chocolate bar in hand. I just want to pay for the candy bar so I can eat it but the line won’t move! That for instance is when I feel a bit aggressive but I have learned to just eat the candy bar and pay for it later.

Honestly, this is how a lot of us die. If a hypo is more severe, the body signals very strongly, urging you to eat as much as possible. Unfortunately, this leads to ‘hypo munchies’ —as I like to call them.

It’s not uncommon for me to stagger into the kitchen and look for anything fast to eat. Bread is OK, fruits too. Chocolate cookies and milk —oh yes! The morning after is horrible. My blood sugars are sky-high, eyes feel swollen and my mouth tastes awful. It’s a constant battle. You go high so you give yourself insulin to correct. Then, you end up going low. So you eat something and you’re back where you started.

I actually remember this one time, I ate something my significant other had prepared for himself. I woke up with a super bad feeling as I hear, “Who ate my sandwich?”

All of this means is that you need to remember that loving someone with type 1 diabetes is a full-time job.

2. We don’t mean to lash out.

Eventually, your significant other will pick up on how you act when you’re high and low. However, more times than not, regardless if they know the signs, we can get rude simply because we don’t feel well. At high blood sugar levels, the most common symptoms are irritability, fatigue and frequent need for urination, but there are differences here too.

For the first few years, I would get relaxed, more talkative and kind of upbeat when my sugar was over 200 — I was having an actual sugar high. Nowadays, I’m just tired and sleepy. I can get short and nasty but it’s only because I’m vibing off how I feel on the inside. The most important thing you can learn is that we really don’t mean to lash out.

3. We want you.

We really can’t do this thing alone. We want, no we need your help. And that by itself can strain relationships. Period.

How committed is your partner? Are they annoyed you need a little more help some days? They have to be willing to put up with the bad AND the good. They have to be there for you and sometimes, taking on a role as a caretaker can really dull down the intimacy. Three words: don’t let it. Simply find ways to be intimate that work for you and your mate.

If you’re not in the mood for sex, say so. You can bond in other ways until you’re ready. Because intimacy doesn’t always mean intercourse. And I know talking about this can be awkward but share that too.

4. We think of our disease as baggage.

And in a way, it’s kind of true. But who doesn’t have baggage? I mean, I’m trying to maintain a healthy weight and there is nothing that frustrates me more than having to force-feed myself back to life. The need of force-feeding occurs when I have to exercise and my levels are way too low.

I need to bring it up, sometimes by a lot. I have had to eat a half jar of honey, which I strongly dislike —just to get my sugar to a safe level for physical activity. Sometimes my body suddenly reacts much more strongly to insulin and I find myself at almost hypo values with only a small active amount of insulin running through my veins. I have no choice but to eat, even if I just ate 30 minutes earlier. So yeah, this disease is life-changing.