Autism advocate Ethan Hirschberg shares five comments that hurt and five responses that helped, drawing on his own experience.
What to say to someone with autism?
Throughout my life, I have been told and overheard many comments about autism. These comments show a lack of knowledge and understanding of autism. Even though people don’t intend to upset me, I was still hurt by what they said.
It isn’t all bad. I have also heard some great things that have made my day. Here are some things that I have heard people say about autism over the years and how I feel about them. I will begin with what NOT to say to someone with autism and then finish with what to say to someone with autism.
What not to say to someone with autism
1. “Don’t worry, everyone’s a little Autistic.”
No. Not everyone. We’re not all a little Autistic. There are countless struggles that I deal with every day, and comparing Autism-related struggles to other people’s struggles is just plain insulting. You have no idea what it’s like… and you’ll never know.
2. “You must be like Rainman or something.”
Here we go again… not everyone on the spectrum is a genius. Rainman was about a man who had savant skills.
It makes me wonder why I can’t be a genius too!
3. “Do you take medication for that?”
This breaks my heart every time I hear it. I feel upset that people think that medication is always involved. And besides, I learned a great lesson from my cousin. She went through a recent health crisis and said, “taking medication prescribed by a psychiatrist is no different than taking medication for heart disease or to fight infection. You take it so you can be healthy and safe!”
4. “I have social issues too. I must have Autism.”
Sure, you may have social issues or experience social anxiety, or you may have sensory difficulties or something else like I do. But comparing yourself to me with all my challenges is rude and shows a complete lack of understanding of Autism.
5. “You seem so normal! You don’t look Autistic.”
You can’t tell whether someone is autistic simply by looking at them.
What to say to someone with autism
1. “Do you need help with anything?”
I love this one. It shows that the person who is asking cares about me. I know that they are willing to go out of their way to make me comfortable. I feel respected. It often even makes my day!
2. “Oh, that explains a lot about …why you touch the ground” or “why you walk back and forth.”
Saying that my diagnosis explains some specific behaviors is a good thing to say. I know that by sharing my diagnosis, I answer questions from the people I often find myself interacting with.
3. “Can you explain what Autism is to me?”
This is a great one as well. Many people decide to believe the stereotypes of Autism, which are often wrong. By asking me to explain what Autism is, they can get an accurate answer that they can share.
4. “I’m here if you want to talk.”
This goes back to the first one. I know that the person asking is thinking about me and extending themselves as a resource. What a simple but kind and generous act! Sometimes, I even use their help if I need it.
5. “Do you want to come and eat lunch with us?”
I don’t have many friends at school. So, I love it when people ask me to join them for lunch. I can try it out, and if I like it, do it again. This provides me with much-needed social interaction.
