Originally released 2020
In Episode 3 of Our Stories, Chris talks about living with mental illness. Chris describes trouble sleeping, dropping out of college, moving to Canada, and the cycles of feeling better and worse that followed. Other people have given it several names, and Chris explains why none of them feels right.
Watch Episode 3 on YouTube · See all episodes of Our Stories
Transcript
This transcript is lightly edited for reading: punctuation added, and “uh” and “um” removed where the meaning is unchanged. Words in [square brackets] are editorial, and [inaudible] marks words that could not be made out.
It was about 16, I guess, and I met my first girlfriend. [Inaudible], pretty much the story: boy [inaudible] girl, girl moves away, girl dumps boy.
Then I started having trouble sleeping and waking up. So I would sleep later and later and later, and wake up later and later, later, and not do stuff. Not go to class, not talk to friends, socialize.
And at some point someone, maybe my mother, maybe someone else, they suggested me I go, I go to therapy. It took me a while, maybe a year, but I started feeling a bit better.
I wouldn’t have trouble going to sleep. I wouldn’t… I would stay in bed and I would just roll around and wait for sleep to come until, I don’t know, 4, 5 a.m. After that I would finally go to sleep, because I was exhausted.
I was trying to go to college. That didn’t work out so well, so I dropped out. I came to Canada. That was about two years ago, a bit over two years ago. I, I went to college, and that was kind of a big change to me. So yeah, it was a bit hard.
And that was kind of a recurring thing after that. I… yeah. Every one, maybe two years, it would kind of come back. So I would get better and I would, you know, live my life, and after a while it would get way too heavy for me. It’s like, it’s like being out of breath.
I would go to therapy again, or I would start medication again, or I would just, you know, stay at home. Because I never liked taking medication, so I would resist that all that I could.
I never really found out what I had, I suppose, if it’s something that I actually had. I was told I had depression. I was told I had anxiety. I was told I had a social phobia. I was told I had PTSD.
I don’t really like giving a name to it. I know, I know it’s mental, and I know it’s an illness, and I know it’s something I live with. Sometimes I’m able to forget about it. Sometimes it’s always there. Sometimes it’s, it’s like everything that is. And when I get to that point, I know I need to do something about it.
Now there’s a lot of stuff that I do. I exercise, I run, I meditate, and that helped a lot. I think I understand it better now. I don’t feel that [it’s] something that is wrong that I have to solve. I just see it as something that’s a part of me.
It’s not “get over it”. It’s not that, that, that… that’s definitely not what it is. It’s “get with it”. It’s understanding that it’s a part of me that I always live with. So it [makes] it easier, in a way.
That doesn’t mean I still don’t, I still don’t need counselling once in a while. That doesn’t [mean] that I still don’t, that I don’t need medication once in a while. It’s not easier. It’s just, I get it now. A bit better.
About Our Stories
Our Stories is a 10-part documentary series from URevolution. In each episode, one person talks about their own mental health in their own words. See all episodes, transcripts and support resources.
If you need support, find free helplines in Canada, the US, Australia and elsewhere.
Credits
| Role | Name |
|---|---|
| Director and editor | Kelly Paoli |
| Cinematography | Jonathan Choi |
| Original score | Milen Petzelt-Sorace |
| Executive producers | Brendan McDonald and Corinne Gray |
| Produced by | URevolution |
