What to Write to a Cancer Patient: A Compassionate Guide by Someone Who Gets It
Editor’s Note: When I was diagnosed with chronic myeloid leukemia (CML) in 2015, people didn’t know what to say to me—and honestly, I didn’t know what I wanted to hear either. Cancer strips away the scripts we usually rely on. That’s why this guide exists. If you’re wondering what to write to a cancer patient, this article will help you speak from the heart, even when words feel impossible.
— Brendan McDonald, editor of URevolution and co-author of the “Glossary of Awkward”
TL;DR – What to Write to a Cancer Patient
Be sincere, not scripted
Avoid toxic positivity
Personalize your message
Offer presence, not platitudes
Don’t ghost: show up in words, even if they’re messy
What You’ll Find in This Guide on What to Write to a Cancer Patient
Why It’s So Hard to Know What to Write to a Cancer Patient
Let’s be honest: writing to someone who has cancer is uncomfortable. It stirs up fear—of saying the wrong thing, of triggering grief, of confronting our own helplessness. I get it. I’ve been there too.
When a friend told me she had cancer, I stared at a blank card for 45 minutes. The usual clichés felt hollow, and the silence felt worse. That’s why I’m writing this—to help you break that silence with sincerity, not perfection.
What to Write in a Card for a Cancer Patient (and What to Avoid)
You don’t need to write a masterpiece. You just need to be real .
Simple, Honest Starters
"I’ve been thinking about you a lot lately. I’m here whenever you want to talk—or not talk."
"I wish I had the perfect words, but please know I’m holding you in my heart."
"You don’t have to go through this alone. I’m right here beside you."
"There’s no right thing to say, but I couldn’t stay silent. I’m thinking of you and I care deeply."
"If love could fix this, you’d be healed already. I’m sending all the love I’ve got."
"No pressure to respond—just wanted you to know you’re not forgotten, and you’re not alone."
Avoid These Phrases
❌ “Everything happens for a reason.”
❌ “Stay positive!”
❌ “You’re so strong—you’ve got this.”
Even if meant with kindness, these phrases can feel dismissive or minimize someone’s pain. It’s okay to say, “I don’t know what to say.” That is something to say.
🛒 Need a gentle way to navigate awkward cancer conversations?
Glossary of Awkward – Breast Cancer Edition
is a funny, illustrated book that shines a light on the frustrating, unexpected, and isolating moments of living with cancer—especially when support falls short.
How to Personalize Your Message with Empathy
Cancer isn’t one-size-fits-all. Neither are your words.
Think About Who They Are
Are they someone who loves humor? Add a light joke.
Are they private? Keep it low-key.
Are they exhausted from everyone asking questions? Offer support without demanding replies.
Ask Yourself…
“Am I centering them or me?”
“Am I offering love or solutions?”
“Would I want to receive this if I were in their position?”
Sample Messages: What Do You Write to a Cancer Patient?
These messages are templates—feel free to adapt based on your relationship and their diagnosis stage.
For a Friend or Peer with Cancer
“Hey [Name], I just wanted to say I’m thinking of you. I don’t always know what to say, but I’m here. Anytime, for anything—even if it’s just memes or silence.”
For a Family Member with Cancer
“You’ve always been the brave one. But you don’t have to be strong for me. You just have to be. I love you, no matter what. No expectations.”
For a Colleague or Acquaintance with Cancer
“Just wanted you to know I’m rooting for you. If there’s anything you need—work or otherwise—I’m only a message away.”
For Someone You Don’t Know Well with Cancer (e.g., support group or community)
“You may not know me, but I wanted to send some encouragement your way. Your strength is inspiring, and your story matters.”
What to Write on a Card for a Cancer Patient (Yes, the Physical Kind)
In an age of quick texts and emojis, a handwritten card can mean the world to someone facing cancer. Physical cards offer a tangible reminder that someone cares—something they can reread on hard days, tuck into a hospital bag, or place by their bedside. If you're wondering what to write on a card for a cancer patient, remember: it's not about crafting the perfect message. It's about showing up with intention, warmth, and a human touch that lasts beyond the moment.
Short and Uplifting (Ideal for Hallmark-Style Cards)
“Sending strength and love.”
“You are not alone.”
“Holding you in my heart.”
“Thinking of you—today and always.”
“Here for you, with love and hope.”
“One day at a time, with all my support.”
A Bit More Personal
“Every day is different, and you don’t owe anyone a performance. Just know that you matter. To me. To so many of us.”
Writing When the Cancer Is Advanced or Terminal
This is where people often freeze. But now—more than ever—is the time for truth, tenderness, and presence.
- “I’m here. No fixing, no pretending. Just here with love, always.”
- “You’ve shaped my life in ways I’ll never forget. If there’s anything I can do, big or small, please let me.”
- “Even in this, you are still you. And I treasure you.”
Avoid false hope. Choose radical honesty with kindness.
What If I’m Too Late? (Writing After a Diagnosis Has Progressed or Been Missed)
Still write. Especially then. Your words may arrive exactly when they’re needed.
- “I’m sorry I haven’t written sooner. I’ve been thinking of you. And I want to be here now, if that’s okay.”
What Cancer Patients Say They Actually Want to Hear
Over the years, I’ve spoken with plenty of people living with cancer. Here’s what they said:
“Tell me I’m still me, not just a patient.”
“Don’t disappear because you’re afraid.”
“I want to hear normal things too—TV shows, life updates.”
“It’s okay to cry with me. Just don’t make me comfort you.”
What hurts the most sometimes is dealing with an unsupportive family during cancer—when the people who should show up… don’t.”
Why Humor Belongs in the Cancer Ward
Humor doesn’t minimize the pain—it makes it bearable. These funny books for cancer patients tackle the absurdities of illness with wit, sarcasm, and heart.
Write Like a Human—Not a Hallmark Card
If your first draft feels awkward? Good. That means you’re trying. You’re reaching. And that’s exactly what matters.
You don’t need the “perfect” message. You need a present one.
Final Thoughts on What to Write to a Cancer Patient
In my co-authored work Glossary of Awkward, we define bravery not as the absence of fear, but as showing up anyway.
That applies here too.
If you’re reading this, you already care. So pick up the pen—or your phone—and write. One sentence of care can echo longer than you think.
Brendan McDonald
Brendan McDonald is a writer and former humanitarian aid worker with lived experience of cancer, mental illness, and chronic illness . Diagnosed with chronic myeloid leukemia (CML), peripheral neuropathy, and bicuspid aortic valve disease (BAVD) , he has been unable to work full-time since 2017. After experiencing burn-out and clinical depression following his work in crisis zones—including Kosovo, North Korea, Sri Lanka, Libya, Jordan, and Iraq —he became a lifelong advocate for mental health and wellness.
Brendan holds a Bachelor of Professional Studies and a Master of Social Science . His writing focuses on cancer, mental illness, chronic illness, diversity, equity, inclusion, social justice, and human resources. His work, including a Guardian-published article on aid worker mental health , has helped drive awareness and advocacy for well-being in the humanitarian sector and beyond.
