Infertility and endometriosis
Featured Articles

Credit:
Β©Agnieszka SozaΕska /Β BehanceΒ Creative Commons
Iβm not bitter talking about infertility and endometriosis
A 28 year old woman explores the emotions of attending a baby shower while dealing with infertility, endometriosis and IVF treatment.
βAre you sure you actually want to have a baby? I havenβt slept in days! They never stop crying.β
Yeah, I would too if I was your child. Just one of the many inner thoughts I keep to myself as hold back an eye roll. I force a smile, βHa, youβre right! Maybe I havenβt thought it all the way through.β What I really want to say is βfuck offβ but I turn around and scan through the pastel dressed party guests for the cocktail table.
Why did I even come to this god forsaken baby shower? I sip my βBlood Orange you glad itβs a boy!β mimosa as I slide open the patio door and take a seat. I know Iβm annoyed because part of me wishes it was me. I canβt believe I thought it would be easy to have a baby. Easy to get pregnant. Easy as essentially everyone around me makes it seem. I would be 4 months pregnant if my second frozen embryo transfer had stuck. But it didnβt. Now my husband and I are back to square one.
Talking about infertility and endometriosis amidst the nightmare that is a baby shower!CLICK TO TWEET
IVF round two is on the horizon. I canβt wait but Iβm also terrified. My eyes well up with tears, as they usually do when my mind wanders down this road. I knew today would be hard but then again, every day is hard. My mind finds itβs way here at least four times a day.
I cringe, shake my head, and bring myself back to this current baby shower nightmare. I walk back inside and lose myself in a βBaby Bumpβ slider.
I will truly never understand why people want to have a baby shower. Even if I was pregnant, I would avoid one at all costs. It sounds dreadful. Not only are the games the absolute worst, but all the βBoyβ, βGirlβ, βPrinceβ, βPrincessβ, βBlueβ, βPinkβ nonsense is too much. If people want to help and get a gift, then great. Ship it to me. Or bring it with you if weβre already hanging out. Donβt wait for some lame party. The only thing I appreciate is the puns. I mean, βBlood orange you glad itβs a boy!β mimosa? Damn, thatβs good. Iβm a sucker for a pun. And blood orange anything.
Β
Read more:Β How to cope with infertility when everyone is pregnant?
Β
This is my first baby shower since I found out that Iβm infertile. At 28 years old. Well, I guess Iβm not βinfertileβ. I have stage 4Β endometriosis that went undiagnosedΒ for 15 years. It spread through my reproductive system, severelyΒ impacting my ovariesΒ and egg quality. Iβve had to have 2 extensive surgeries to help βfixβ the unfixable and remove unsalvageable organs. So, Iβd like to take a moment to truly thank all theΒ doctors and OBGYNs out there for not believing in me. You never gave up. No matter how much agony I was in, you just kept prescribing stronger βpain medicineβ instead of identifying the source. I truly wouldnβt be where I am today if it wasnβt for you and your complete lack of understanding the female body.
Dramatics aside, I really donβt want to be bitter. This is my journey to growing my family. Every person has their own, and this is mine. Itβs just taking a lot fucking longer and costs a ton more money but whatever, at least I have options. I have privilege to be able to choose where to go from here.
And for some reason Iβve chosen to be at this fucking baby shower? Maybe I turned into a masochist these past 2 years, who knows. But I like who Iβve become. Itβs interesting experiencing all these things through a new lens. Itβs something I want to share because Iβve never read stories about infertility. I always thought it described the 45-year-old that wants to conceive. Not the person thatβs had several unexplained miscarriages, the perfectly healthy family thatβs been trying for 2 years, or the 28-year-old whose pain has been mis labeled as βnormalβ her entire life. There are numerous stories out there that I donβt know. So, letβs start fucking talking about it.

Leslie K
Leslie KP is currently hard at work writing and sharing about her new life experiences while undergoing IVF and coping with infertility.
Caption:
"Iβd like to take a moment to truly thank all the doctors and OBGYNs out there for not believing in me. You never gave up. No matter how much agony I was in, you just kept prescribing stronger βpain medicineβ instead of identifying the source."