Out of the mouth of babes and sucklings
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Out of the mouth of babes and sucklings
Out of the mouth of babes and sucklings isΒ an amalgamation of the random comments a mom received over the years about her autistic sons.
Β Β Β Β βYou poor fucker! Iβd rather have a child with cancer than a kid with autism.β
After all these years, I canβt remember who said that to me first or if anyone said it in real life. Perhaps itβs an amalgam of all the odd things people said and did in both my dreams and nightmares. Their comments and questions ran the gamut. How to respond? What to say?
My favorite by far is this one: β
Β Β Β Β βDid you say artistic? Is that so bad? Isnβt that the same as gifted?β
Iβll tell you one thing for free, if you donβt have a sense of humor, donβt have kids, autistic or otherwise. But I do get a few showstoppers. How about these?
Β Β Β Β βBut why did you have two? Why have another autistic kid? Why didnβt you stop after the first one?β
I donβt have an answer for those either, and I should have one after all these years. Autism is commonplace. You canβt walk a single block from my home without bumping into one or several. At the last count, autism affects one in every 68 children, according to The Centers for Disease Control, which means that unless youβre a hermit, you know someone who is autistic.
Maybe youβre autistic yourself, especially if youβre also a hermit. I suspect, without proof, that every hermit, recluse, and misanthrope in history was on the spectrum. This is because, above all other things, autism is a deficit in social skills.
Social skillsΒ may seem a benign term, but it belies the subtle, sophisticated, and often nebulous ways we humans communicate with each other. Basically, if you donβt have any social skills, theyβre difficult to identify and learn. However, before advancing to social skills, many autistic kids have to learn to speak. Some, even after years of therapy, never do.
Now my boys are adultsβand yes, most autistic people are maleβI have time to think and reflect. For the most part, I see no point in castigating offenders for their casual cutting remarks. Iβm sure Iβve made many blunders myself.
I remember discussing how people are shunned after bereavement because nobody wants to engage with the mourner for fear of saying the wrong thing. Better to say nothingβseemed to be the consensus. For the bereaved individual, this decision means social isolation, and thatβs the worst by far. Theyβre denied the opportunity to express their grief and share their emotional turmoil.
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Read more:Β Undiagnosed autism in children: missing chances to play
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Isolation haunts families with autism too, or might if the family isnβt vigilant. It takes effort, persistence, and skin far thicker than rhino-hide to tackle the general public. A two-year-oldβs tantrums can be tolerated by most. Still, that same behavior is not acceptable in an older child, especially if theyβre nearing six-foot-tall and, heaven forbid, in a public forum. Why donβt we keep them at home until they can be controlled, or learn how to behave? Well, thatβs because itβs your world theyβll live in when we, their parents, arenβt around anymore. Also, because the best method to learn about the randomness of life is by constant exposure. The world is their classroom, and they have as much right to use it as everyone else.
So what, if anything, is someone supposed to do? Thatβs what I would have wanted to know way back when my only knowledge of autism was from the movie Rainman. Maybe you have a friend or family member who has been affected by autism. How can you help? What could you do? Or perhaps you have suspicions, doubts, and questions. Should you take the risk of speaking up or speaking out if you notice an issue?
Out of the mouth of babes and sucklings
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Rather than answer directly, instead, Iβll tell you a story.
Once upon a time, a woman with four children didnβt know what to do. The two girls were great, but the two boys were a conundrum. They could read, they could count, and any number of wonderful things as they ran around on their little tippy toes. But, other things were worrisome. They couldnβt point, they didnβt chat, their eyes never sought out their motherβs.
Then one day, the childrenβs uncle arrived for a visit from far, far away, from the land of China. Uncle had no children of his own, but like many others, considered himself an expert on the topic of child development. He said, in innocence, βI wouldnβt be surprised if those nephews of mine turned out to be autistic.β And the mother looked from the children to the uncle and back again and was very surprised. Then, she was hurt and shocked, and many other emotions too complex to unravel.
This is why hindsight is a gift. Without that kick to my backside, I might have delayed action. And more importantly, without early intervention this little tale might have turned into a tragedy instead of a comedy. Our errors are many, but humor keeps us sane.
Thanks, Andrew.
Title quoted from King James BibleΒ Matthew 21:16Β βAnd said unto him, Hearest thou what these say? And Jesus saith unto them, Yea; have ye never read, Out of the mouth of babes and sucklings thou hast perfected praise?β

Madeline McEwen
Madeline McEwen [she/her] has enjoyed publication in a variety of different outlets both online and in traditional print. Her fiction and non-fiction focus primarily on disabilities [ableism] and humor.
Caption:
"Isolation haunts families with autism, or might if the family isnβt vigilant."