How to help someone with a disability
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How to help someone with a disability?
If you want to know how to help someone with a disability, the best thing you can do is listen to them. Let them tell you about their strengths, weaknesses, and needs.
Be present. Empathize. Donβt scold a disabled person for their problems or try to explain why theyβll have to suck it up.
Iβm 39. I have lived most of my life with a disability.
Iβm not sure when it truly started β probably early childhood, but it got severe when I started high school. I began having migraines every day, and the rootΒ cause of my migrainesΒ was a mental health issue.
One of the hardest parts of having a disability is dealing with other people. Thereβs the actual problem itself β that I canβt do certain things and my head hurts all the time β and then thereβs the extra problem of other people having no idea how to deal with a person with a disability.
Some people take sympathy to an extreme. They act as if I am breakable and ask if everything is OK, even when I assure them those entire categories of things are always OK for me. Iβll tell them that natural light is still OK for me, and theyβll keep asking if the light from the window is giving me a headache.
When I explained my needs to one person,Β she began βawwwβ ing like she was talking to a baby, or a dying person, or a dog. Or maybe a dying baby dog. Iβm still an adult, and Iβm not stupid. Iβm just disabled.
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Some people think that I have a disability to inconvenience them. And, yeah, itβs inconvenient. Trust me, itβs a lot worse for me than it is for you, and I hate inconveniencing others. I hate asking for special accommodations, even the ones people with disabilities are entitled to by law.
A few even asked me, βIf you could get better, would you want to?β Uhh, let me think. No, I enjoy my head hurting every day.
Some people deal with the problem by pretending it does not exist. Or they want to explain to me why itβs not good that I have the issues I have as if this is something Iβm not aware of. Some people think itβs my fault. Some suggest I go to the doctor (as if I havenβt) or try simple cures that donβt work (like Advil).
For the record, Iβm well aware that my disability is inconvenient, and it limits my life.
I am doing my best. I have a lot of experience living with this problem, and loads of detailed knowledge about what caused it, how it affects me, and how to handle it. The best way to deal with it is by asking me and listening to me and working with me to find mutually acceptable solutions.
Iβm already doing everything that can be done to get better. I donβt need suggestions for other cures. Iβve probably already tried them. And itβs not helpful to tell me my mental health problems are irrational. If it were rational, it wouldnβt be called mental illness.
My mental health problems are very sensitive to my trust, communication, and relationships with other people. If someone isnβt listening to me, or if I feel I canβt trust them, my behavior gets weirder and worse. Then it becomes an adverse feedback loop in which they are reacting to me, and I am reacting to them. If youβre worried about my symptoms affecting you, remember that you can also affect them.
If you want to know how to help someone with a disability, the best thing you can do is listen to them. Let them tell you about their strengths, and weaknesses, and needs. Be present. Empathize. Donβt scold them for their problems or try to explain why theyβll have to suck it up.
Assume they are already doing everything in their power to get better or improve their ability to function.
And remember that an inability to do certain things doesnβt translate to an inability to do all things.
How to help someone with a disabilityΒ was first published onΒ OtherWords.orgΒ under Creative CommonsΒ CC BY-ND 3.0
Caption:
One of the hardest parts of having a disability is dealing with other people. There's the actual problem itself, and then there's the extra problem of other people having no idea how to deal with a person with a disability.