People told me a cat would be low-maintenance. Emotional support, they said. A calm little companion for someone living with fibromyalgia, ME/CFS and ADHD.
Liars.
My cat has knocked over water for no obvious reason, treated 5 a.m. like the opening ceremony of the Feline Olympics and yowled at a closed door as though I personally invented doors to oppress him. Some days I would like to submit an emotional-support refund request.
So, yes, I have asked the same question Google apparently hears a lot: why is my cat an asshole?
The scientifically inconvenient answer is that your cat is probably not plotting your downfall. “Asshole” is human shorthand for behaviour that is disruptive, confusing or badly timed. Cats are not making moral decisions about your sleep schedule.
Why does my cat act like an asshole?
Cat behaviour usually makes more sense when you stop asking what the cat is “trying to do to you” and ask what the behaviour is doing for the cat.
- They may be playing. Stalking, pouncing, chasing and ambushing are normal parts of feline play and predatory behaviour. Your ankles may be an unfortunate substitute for prey.
- They may be bored or under-stimulated. A cat with energy and no acceptable outlet can become extremely creative.
- They may want access to something. A closed door, a window, food, another animal or your attention can all become the focus of persistent behaviour.
- They may be frightened or frustrated. Hissing, swatting or biting can be defensive responses, not evidence that your cat is “mean”.
- They may be in pain or unwell. A sudden change in aggression, vocalisation or tolerance for touch deserves a veterinary check rather than a personality diagnosis.
Cornell's Feline Health Center notes that aggression can have behavioural or medical causes and recommends ruling out health problems before treating it purely as a behaviour issue. It also warns that physical punishment can increase fear or anxiety and make aggression worse.
Related from URevolution: My cat was meant to help my mental health. Naturally, he had other ideas. Read My Emotional Support Cat Is a Jerk (And That's Okay).
Why does my cat knock things over?
Because paws are useful and gravity is reliable.
More seriously, batting objects can be exploratory or playful. If the object moves, rolls, makes noise or gets a dramatic reaction from you, it is suddenly much more interesting than the expensive cat toy sitting three feet away.
I have learned that “do not knock over my water” is not an enforceable contract. A heavier bottle with a lid works better than arguing with a cat.
That matters even more when you are chronically ill. I do not want to spend limited energy repeatedly cleaning up a preventable mess, so I change the environment instead of trying to win a battle of wills with an animal who has no idea there is a battle.
Why does my cat wake me up at 5 a.m.?
Cats can be especially active around dawn and dusk, and routines are powerful. If your cat has learned that making enough noise eventually produces breakfast, attention or an open door, you may have accidentally trained each other.
For me, broken sleep is not a small annoyance. Poor sleep can make chronic illness harder to manage. That is where practical changes beat moral outrage: automatic feeders, evening play, keeping noisy toys out of the bedroom, and making sure the cat has things to do that do not involve my face.
If night-time vocalising is new, intense or happening in an older cat, talk to a vet. Behaviour changes can sometimes signal pain or illness.
Why does my cat bite or swipe when I pet them?
Some cats have a much shorter tolerance for handling than humans expect. Tail lashing, ears moving back, skin twitching, tense posture or a sudden change in attention can be signs that interaction needs to stop.
Do not turn every tail movement into a rigid “cat body language rule”, though. Context matters. The safer habit is to learn your own cat's signals and stop before they need to escalate.
If touching a particular area suddenly causes aggression, pain is one possibility worth checking. Cornell specifically notes that pain can cause cats to hiss, bite or scratch to avoid touch or movement.
Is my cat trying to dominate me?
I would not build a relationship with a cat around a story that every annoying behaviour is a calculated power move. It is too easy to misread fear, play, frustration, territorial behaviour, pain or learned routines as “dominance”.
That matters because the story you tell yourself changes how you respond. If you think your cat is deliberately disrespecting you, punishment starts to sound logical. If you see a behaviour with a trigger and a function, you can change the environment, redirect play or get medical help.
What actually helps with a chaotic cat?
- Give them regular, interactive play rather than expecting them to entertain themselves all day.
- Provide scratching surfaces, hiding places, climbing options and safe window access where possible.
- Keep food, water, litter and rest areas appropriate for the number of cats in the home.
- Reward the behaviour you want instead of relying on punishment.
- Look for patterns: when does the behaviour happen, what happens immediately before it, and what does the cat get afterward?
- See a veterinarian if aggression or other behaviour changes are sudden, severe or difficult to explain.
For homes with more than one cat, the 2024 AAFP intercat tension guidelines recommend multiple, separated resources and safe places. Putting every food bowl or litter box together can leave one cat blocking another’s access. The guidance addresses tension between cats; it does not explain every difficult interaction with a person.
Chronic illness changes how I manage my cat
There are days when I can laugh at the parkour. There are days when pain, fatigue or sensory overload make every crash from the next room feel personal.
That does not make me a bad cat owner, and it does not make my cat an evil mastermind. It means I need systems that work for both of us: fewer breakable things on exposed surfaces, predictable feeding, accessible litter management and enrichment that does not require me to be physically “on” all day.
For a less flattering look at the cultural mythology around women and cats, you can also read our piece on the “crazy cat lady” stereotype.
So, why is my cat such an asshole?
Maybe because “my cat is an asshole” is funnier than “my cat is displaying a mixture of species-typical behaviour, learned reinforcement and an alarming lack of respect for glassware”.
I still call him an asshole sometimes. I also love him. Both facts can coexist.
If the behaviour is genuinely aggressive, painful or suddenly different, skip the comedy and speak to a veterinarian.
Editorial update: Added a contents list and a source on managing tension in multi-cat homes. Jessica White’s personal account and the original publication date have been retained.
