How to talk about disability
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How to talk about disability?
Now, it shouldnβt be required, but weβre going to start off this blog on how to talk about disability by explaining how not to be a dick when talking to a disabled personΒ β welcome to the world we live in!
Talking about disability, did you know thatΒ disability can be visible as well as invisible.Β KindΒ of like the nuts a super-secret squirrel has just hidden in a tree away from the prying eyes of other nut lovers.
My disability is not obvious to anyone meeting me for the first time. Itβs only when I start stripping for them, that they realize Iβm not your average bear.
Even though my stripping in public days is behind me (the police cease and desist order took care of that), I still have a disability, and sadly that can make things a tad awkward when I mention it to people.
Feeling uncomfortable around disabled people?
1 in 5 people in the UK are disabled, so it is likely you know someone with a disability even if youβre not aware of it, or perhaps you have a disability yourself. Studies have revealed that a staggering two-thirds of Brits say they feel awkwardly uncomfortable around disabled people.β βΒ Scope.
And the βawkwardβ feeling is really what being a dick when talking to someone with a disability is about. If youβre not used to being around someone with a disability this can make you feel uncomfortable.
The discomfort can come from a fear of disability. It can come from fear of reacting inappropriately around them. Or even fear of acting badly towards the disabled person. You may not be sure how to interact with a person with a disability. You probably donβt know what is acceptable and what isnβt.
This uncertainty triggers panic, and when the panic sets in, you become as awkward as fuck.
Why is it so important to learn how to talk about disability
To stop the awkwardness around disable people.
For both disabled and non-disabled folk out there, it is important to address theΒ elephant that is in the room, which is the awkwardness felt when talking to a person with a disability.
Even for me (someone who is disabled), when Iβve met someone with a disability a little bit of panic sets in as I suddenly think Iβm going to cause offense.
Well, hereβs the lowdown for you. Youβre not Donald Trump (thank god). You donβt go out of your way to mimic someone with a disability with the aim of getting a cheap laugh.
So sit back, relax and let me take you through a 10-step guide on how not to be a dick when talking to someone with a disability β youβre welcome.
A 10-step guide to talking to a disabled person
Donβt talk down to disabled person
Donβt patronize them by saying βhow well youβre doingβ as if youβre their mummy and theyβre your toddler who has just managed to take its first whizz in the toilet. Channel your inner human being and JUST BE NORMAL because by being a patronizing twat, if anyone is looking like someone with an issue, itβs you.
Donβt point at a disabled person
If you need to point out a colleague who has a disability (for example), donβt point at the person and loudly state βThe disabled oneβ. βWhat?β I hear you ask. I know. Weird right! But the funny thing is everyone has a name β yes, even those with a disability. So, unfortunately, youβre going to look a bit like a cock calling someone βdisabled.β
Donβt speak extra loudly
If you want to know how to talk about disability donβt speak extra loudly or slowly toΒ a disable personΒ β the person youβre talking to isnβt a moron. The only person looking like a moron will be you. If the person youβre talking to happens to be deaf, you speaking loudly wonβt make them suddenly hear.
Donβt assume you know more about their disability than they do β it will really fuck off them off
Donβt start telling the said person that if they did x, y, and z that they will feel better or that somehow this will help alleviate their disability. You may feel it appropriate to channel your inner Dick Van Dyke when he played Dr Mark Sloan in Diagnosis Murder, but remember, that doctor was fictional too β you just donβt have the expertise, so shut the fuck up.
Donβt try to hitch a ride on a wheelchair or play with any disability aids
Totally spoiling your fun now, but weirdly it isnβt the most appropriate thing to ask someone who uses a wheelchair if you can hitch a ride. Equally, donβt assume to push the wheelchair for them, move them out the way etc. Donβt interfere with any aids a person has. Just like you wouldnβt think of invading someoneβs personal space without their expressed permission, donβt assume itβs okay to invade the space of a person who has a disability. Basically, donβt touch their shit.
If a personβs disability is not visible, donβt say, βbut you donβt look illβ
Wait! Hold the freaking phone! I have an invisible disability and I donβt look illβ¦*calls medical team to tell them to rethink the last 35 years* Even though this comment is not meant to question the validity of the disability, thatβs certainly how it comes across. It also suggests that you have a specific idea of how a disabled person should look. Newsflash: there are lots of different forms of disability and there is no one size fits all. Even if you canβt see the disability, itβs there, so hush up and keep your thoughts to yourself.
Donβt think itβs okay to pat someone with a disability on the head
Now, this is really for anyone, not just those with a disability. Even kids feel patronized as shit when someone pats them on the head after theyβve done something that apparently warranted the gesture. But when you go to pat someone with a disability on the head, stop and think and then retract that hand pronto. Just because someone has a disability doesnβt mean they need your patronizing validation.
Donβt tell someone βyouβre so brave/inspiring/courageous.β etc
The thing is, this well-meaning sentiment, unfortunately, comes across disingenuous. Having a disability isnβt a choice and certainly doing day-to-day stuff, and in fact, just living is not brave or inspiring or courageous. Itβs called just getting on with life. Whenever anyone says that to me, I throw up a little in my mouth.
Ask some questions if you want, as long as theyβre not inappropriate
Now I think most people with disabilities have no issue with being asked a few questions as long as itβs not stuff like βhow do you have sex?β Iβm quite open about my illness and disability and am happy to answer any questions asked of me. However, if you start getting too personal, then maybe itβs time to rein it in. I had a friend who asked me so many questions about my disability it literally felt like I was flying with The Riddler. Not only did it piss me off, it was fucking tiringβ¦ anyway, sheβs dead nowβ¦
Be human and donβt panic!
Another newsflash for you: People who have disabilities are people too! Mind. Blown. Yes weβre people too and therefore we can be treated just like the rest of the humans out there in the big, wide world. By treating people who happen to have a disability exactly how you would treat any other person, you will find youβll see the person, not the disability.
So I hope youβve enjoyed this little run down ofΒ how to talk about disability with a person with a disability.
Only by talking openly about disability and being frank about the awkwardness that some people feel, will that awkwardness be addressed and got over.
And remember: unless you specifically go out of your way to be a dick, you wonβt be a dick. Or at least, youβll be no more of a dick than the rest of us.
Check out theΒ End The AwkwardΒ campaign byΒ Scope UKΒ to learn more about how you can help see the person and not the disability.

Kate Jennings
Kate Jennings always thought she was a writer, but didnβt believe it until her kidneys went into failure and showed her they donβt always have it in for herβ¦ kinda.
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How to talk about disability?